Woman Eating Tub of Salad Alone

Oh god, there’s a baby in the house next door and I’m so broody. The baby cries all the time and sometimes I hear its father telling it to shut the fuck up. He says it, I think, in a quite affectionate tone of voice, but it still makes me want to run over there and kidnap it, I mean rescue it.

A mate of mine has a couple of kids, and he says it’s a complete nightmare. He thinks I’m a lunatic. I don’t even have a boyfriend, he says. Maybe I should relax before I base my whole life around a baby. Maybe I should calm down.

I had a boyfriend but he broke up with me. He only broke up with me because he was depressed. He said he needed space and he wasn’t ready to settle down, but I know it’s because he was having an episode, and pushing the people he loved most out of his life.

Get a cat, says my boss. Get a cat, and then see. When she says this, she isn’t smiling. But I know she’s kidding.

At night I eat a tub of salad and listen to the baby. When it’s quiet I want it to wake up, so I can listen to it some more. When it’s quiet, it’s a little bit lonely, to be honest.